The Lie A Memoir of Two Marriages Catfishing Coming Out

The Lie A Memoir of Two Marriages Catfishing Coming Out A candid memoir of denial stolen identities betrayal faking it and coming out Do you know me the email began sparking tremors of fear that turned into a full uake of panic when William Dameron discovered that his selfie had been stolen by strangers On social networks and dating sites his image and identity—a forty year old straight white male—had been used to hook countless women into believing in lies of love and romance Was it all an ironic cosmic joke Almost a decade prior William himself had been living a lie that had lasted for than twenty years His secret He was a gay man a fact he hid from his wife and two daughters for almost as long as he had hidden it from himselfIn this emotional and unflinchingly honest memoir of coming out of the closet late in life owning up to the past and facing the future William Dameron confronts steroid addiction the shame and homophobia of his childhood the sledgehammer of secrets that slowly tore his marriage apart and his love for a gay father of three that would once again challenge the boundaries of trust At the true heart of The Lie is a universal story about turning self doubt into self acceptance and about pain anger and the long journey of both seeking and giving forgiveness I did not think thos book was particularly well written nor ground breaking If you are going to write your life story you had better make sure you are an excellent story teller Oh and having someone explain the difference between coordinate and cumulative adjectives and which ones need commas and which don't would also helpHowever I thought Katherine's story was incredibly poignant People who still believe or ever believed that being gay is a choice should hear stories about spouses who have been collateral damage in that lie The people who spent their entire young adulthood in a marriage based on lies and who have to pick themselves up and start all over in their 40s Somehow the conservative right never thinks about the actual conseuences to their platitudes William DameronFortysomething William Dameron Bill had been married to his wife Katherine for twenty years when she confronted him in a Walmart parking lot Just park the car now Bill she said I have to ask you this or I'm afraid I never will Are you gay? I don't want to be Bill replied And his deeply held secret was finally out in the openIn this memoir Dameron shares the experience of coming out as a married father of two a man who was devoted to his family but unable to go on living a lie Katherine probably 'had a feeling' Bill was gay for years During a rocky time in their relationship when the couple went to a marriage counselor Katherine mentioned Sex has been a semiannual event for years Bill You know I need you to initiate it In response Bill said Remember that night two weeks ago when I asked you though Bill knew he had purposely chosen a night when Katherine was too tiredBill's sexual preference became obvious shortly before he came out when he developed a 'man crush' on a handsome heterosexual married co worker named Enzo Bill recalls that he and Enzo would go out for drinks and tell jokes and Enzo offered up his friendship readily in a way I had never experienced with a man before When Bill made one too many comments about Enzo to Katherine she shrewdly observed Another story about Enzo You're so infatuated with him The couple's daughters Sophie and Marisa may have sensed something as well Bill was trying on shirt after shirt for a boys night out with Enzo when Marisa noted Aw Dad's got a bromance going onan observation Bill hotly deniedAfter becoming friends with Enzo Bill also became a gym rat adding muscles and pounds to his previously slim frame in hopes his pal would notice To assist his bulking up Bill used illegal steroids secretly injecting himself in the basement Katherine's discovery of Bill's hidden stash of drugs led to an ugly scene in which Katherine Sophie and Marisa ALL confronted him horrified and disappointed All this may have led to Katherine's 'gay' uestion in the Walmart parking lot and Bill's admission after which the couple separated and divorced This was hard on Bill who felt ashamed about the fraud he'd perpetrated on his family especially Katherine who was unmoored and deeply hurtBill knew he was gay from an early age but growing up in conservative North Carolina with a Catholic mother who disdained homosexuals made him deny his essential self Bill's mother sensed his leanings and would say things like Don't put your hands on your hips like that It look effeminate; Those flip flops make you look effeminate Eventually when Bill's mom feared her teenage son might come out as gay she said It's disgusting is what it is There is nothing natural about it Let's pray And Bill's mother repeated this sort of thing on a regular basisBill as a young manBill was well and truly scared He writes Fear of eternal damnation the fear of ridicule the fear of being labeled a faggot and being beaten to a bloody pulp as I had seen happen to classmateshad created a fear and internal homophobia so great that it eclipsed all others Seeing his brothers happy with their girlfriends Bill saw redemption a way forward So after a few aborted experiences with boys Bill started seeing Katherine and when Bill was 23 and Katherine was 22 they married The union wasn't always easy however in part because Katherine had issues of her own she was an adoptee and fretted about being given up by her birth mother; she couldn't bear Bill coming home a few minutes late let alone going away for a business trip or training; she thought their house was haunted by spirits; she developed a mysterious illness with pains in her joints and shortness of breath that reuired a hospital stay; and Was any of this related to a subconscious inkling of Bill's secret? Who knows But Katherine's referring to a gay male nurse as a faggot may have been a hint When Bill and Katherine separated Katherine moved to Virginia with Sophie and Marisa and Bill remained in Massachusetts where the family had been living Bill's coming out was a step by step process He came out to family and friends; made new gay friends; went for counseling; got professional therapy; attended support groups; began dating; etc Bill rented a basement apartment in this house from two lesbians Linda and Debra who became his very good friendsBill feared he'd never find love and had some hiccups on the way to this hoped for goal At length Bill met a dreamboat named Paul and their courtship was touching and a bit fraughtlike a teenage romance 😊 Bill right and PaulMeanwhile Bill felt guilty about the suffering he'd inflicted on Katherine He admits I took what was not mine Katherine's love trust and hope were her most valuable assets and I suandered them This is perhaps the most unfair thing about a 'beard marriage' the damage it inflicts on the unknowing partnerThough the marriage was over Bill wanted to remain close to Sophie and Marisa Thus he traveled south for holidays and flew down once or twice a month to spend time with the girls He remembers I tried to cram hundreds of hours into a precious forty eight hour window Bill with his daughters Marisa left and SophieBill writes a great deal about his family his philandering father who ran off with another woman; his affection for Katherine and their troubled marriage; raising his daughters Marisa and Sophie through the years; the family's beloved dog Maggie; his three brothers one of whom never came to terms with Bill's homosexuality; his mother's eventual acceptance of his sexual preference; and In the end Bill's mother told him I was wrong Being gay is normal a part of your genetic legacy Bill can you ever forgive me? Bill takes this opportunity to discuss forgiveness and how his entire family was learning to walk the long rocky road of forgivenessThough much has changed for gay people over the years Bill acknowledges that he still sometimes lies to strangers acuaintances and people I've just met because the world is a brutal place for ueer people There are times when safety trumps honestyThis is an inspirational story with a happily ever after Still Bill pleads We are not the first generation of ueer people who have found themselves trapped in a straight marriage but please God let us be the last Fingers crossedBill left and PaulAll people both LGBT and straight can learn something from Bill's storyThanks to Netgalley the author William Dameron and the publisher Little A for a copy of the bookYou can follow my reviews at This book explores William Dameron’s struggle to come out as gay—both to himself and his wife and children—and his attempt to wade through the wreckage created by his decades long lie and find a clear path forward as a father son and husband once again There are so many words I could use to describe this memoir exuisite heartbreaking heartwarming funny inspiring gorgeous riveting but none of them do it justice Even if you can’t identify with Dameron’s exact struggle his story is deeply human and I felt it deep in my bones It’s a story of love and heartbreak betrayal and forgiveness deception and truth self hatred and self acceptance—and it’s a story that will resonate on some level with every person who reads it There were so many stunning passages but this is one of my favorites “We are not the first generation of ueer people who have found ourselves trapped in a straight marriage but please God let us be the last In a world filled with hate and lies propagated by the Trump administration living the truth is a form of resistance and persistence” In sharing his truth with us a truth he fought so hard with himself to bring into the light William Dameron has given us all an immensely beautiful gift A beautiful compassionate and achingly honest memoir about coming out later in life Just gorgeous

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *